Calvin, the Pirates, and the Homicidal Maniac
by Mugiwara Gorillaz
Summary: Note to Readers: I'm starting over in the Crossover section. Type "Calvin Pirates Homicidal" into the Search engine and click on Calvin, the Pirates, and the Homicidal Maniac: 1 to read this over again.
1. The Start of Something Great

**I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or the Devil Fruits. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns the Devil Fruits.**

It is said that imagination is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it can run away with you. Such was the case with a 6-year-old boy by the name of Calvin. He lived somewhere in the United States with his parents. He was known for getting in trouble, but he wasn't always to blame. In fact, Calvin has always claimed it was out of his control, usually putting the blame on his stuffed tiger, Hobbes. Many people think Hobbes is Calvin's imaginary friend, but if that was true, _then why would Calvin be arguing with Hobbes?_ Imaginary friends are made so kids have someone to agree with them.

The answer is simple. Calvin sees things that others don't. But he's not crazy! One time, Hobbes supposedly tied Calvin to a chair at the boy's request. Calvin couldn't get out, so his father had to untie him. The question is, how did Calvin get stuck that way if Hobbes isn't real? IS he real? Maybe...

Well, if he wasn't real before, he would be quite soon. On this day, something would happen to change the companions' lives...

Calvin had just got off the bus after ANOTHER disastrous day at school. He walked up to the door, wondering if this day could get any worse...

"I'M HOOOME!" Calvin shouted as he opened the door.

**KAPOOOOOWWW!**

Suddenly an orange and black blur flew at Calvin, sending the both of them flying across the street! They skidded to a halt and the orange-and-black creature got up. It was Hobbes, giving Calvin the usual greeting.

"Whoa!" the tiger exclaimed, "That's gotta be a new record!"

Calvin groggily got up, shaking his head. "Next time," Calvin muttered, "I'll have a tiger trap ready and waiting."

As they got into the house, Calvin's mother asked, "What on earth happened to you?"

"Don't ask," Calvin replied.

When the friends got up to Calvin's room, the boy asked, "Why do you do that all the time?"

Hobbes grinned. "I dunno," he said, "Tiger's instinct, I suppose."

Calvin groaned. Then he decided to change the subject. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a book.

"What's that?" asked Hobbes.

"It's part of an awesome book series called One Piece," Calvin explained, "It's about this guy who ate a weird fruit and got a rubber body!" He read the back cover's summary.

_Author's note: I took the summary from the back of One Piece, Vol. 1, with a few changes._

**As a child, Monkey D. Luffy was inspired to become a pirate by listening to the tales of the buccaneer "Red-Haired" Shanks. But his life changed when Luffy accidentally ate the fruit of the Gomu-Gomu Tree, and gained the power to stretch like rubber ...at the cost of never being able to swim again! Years later, still vowing to become the king of the pirates, Luffy sets out on his adventure...one guy alone in a rowboat, in search of the legendary "One Piece," said to be the greatest treasure in the world...**

"...Somehow that doesn't sound too exciting..." Hobbes said.

"I know," Calvin grumbled, "The stupid editors didn't give a good enough summary. See, later on, Luffy gets a whole crew. The members are Roronoa Zoro, the 1st mate, Nami, the navigator, Usopp, the marksman, Sanji, the cook, Tony Tony Chopper, the doctor, Nico Robin, the archaeologist (go figure why they'd need one of those), and Franky, the shipwright. They go on all sorts of crazy adventures in search of One Piece ... the search that the editors also didn't describe well enough."

"Yeah, how would getting One Piece make Luffy 'King of the Pirates'?"

Calvin cleared his throat, then, attempting a deep voice, said...

"Wealth. Fame. Power. The man who had it all, the King of the Pirates, Gold Roger. His final words before he was executed sent men throughout the world to sail the seas. 'My wealth and treasures? It's right where I left it. Look for it! I left it all at that place!' Men now, chasing their dreams, head towards the Grand Line. The world now enters The Great Age of Piracy!"

Hobbes gave a satisfied grin. "Now THAT'S better!" he said.

Calvin then headed toward the closet. "I intend to meet that crew," he said, pulling out a certain cardboard box...

"Uh-oh!" Hobbes cried.

_So, how do you like it? I was waiting for someone else to do a One Piece-Calvin and Hobbes crossover, and when they didn't, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Read and review, PLLLEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSE!!!!_


	2. Calvin & Hobbes meet the Straw Hats

**I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or the Devil Fruits. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns the Devil Fruits.**

As Calvin pulled the box out, he had the open side facing up. That was the Time Machine mode. "If it's in the Age of Piracy," Calvin explained, "then that means it's in the past, so we'd better get there by Time Machine."

"Whaddaya mean 'we'?" Hobbes asked, "I'm not getting in that thing!"

Calvin looked at his friend. "Fine, killjoy," he mused, "but that means you won't get any fish."

This got Hobbes' attention. "Fish?"

"Yeah," Calvin replied, "The One Piece world is almost covered in sea, and where there's sea, there's fish."

There was a short pause. "Lemme in," Hobbes finally said, breaking the silence and getting in.

"Good," Calvin said, "Now put your goggles on." He and Hobbes put them on, and they got ready to go.

"OK," Calvin said, getting ready, "Here ... we ... GOOOOOO!"

**ZAAAAAAP!**

* * *

When the friends landed, they found themselves behind a cylindrical building. They got out of the box and slowly went around the corner... 

They found they were in an old-fashioned-looking town. There were people walking through, but not many.

"Not a very well-populated town..." Calvin said.

"Calvin, look!" Hobbes exclaimed.

Calvin looked where his friend was pointing and found out why there didn't seem to be that many people walking around.

A large crowd of people seemed to be gathered around a bar, looking in. This made the friends curious, and they ran toward the bar, though others simply saw a blond, spiky-haired 6-year-old running toward the bar with a stuffed tiger in tow.

When they got inside, they found out what all the hubbub was about. A seemingly 17-year-old boy wearing a red vest, a pair of blue jean shorts, and a straw hat was stuffing his face as though he hadn't eaten in a while!

Calvin and Hobbes stared wide-eyed at the boy, and then noticed another group of people nearby, a very embarrassed-looking group (at least most of the group looked embarrassed).

There was a tall, muscular man, looked about 20, that was ... snoozing? He had green, spiky hair, though not as spiky as Calvin's, and he was wearing a green japanese sash, a tight white shirt, some dark green slacks, and a pair of what looked like combat boots. There seemed to be three swords strapped to the man's hip.

Another person in the group was a young lady who looked about 18. She had short, orange hair, and was wearing a black shirt with the word "MONEY" printed in yellow across the chest and a pair of jean short shorts. This woman got Hobbes' full attention, and the tiger seemed to be in a trance. Calvin gave his friend an odd look before turning back to the group.

There was a man with blond hair, the bangs covering one of his eyes. His other eye was left exposed, and Calvin noticed something weird about the eyebrow; the far left side was curled into a spiral! The man had a classy outfit on, similar to a tuxedo, only where the white should've been, there was blue with black pinstripes. One last thing about the man caught Calvin's eye: he was smoking a cigarette. Calvin knew this couldn't be good for the guy; he had found out the hard way one time that cigarettes were bad for you.

The fourth person was quite a sight! He was a strange-looking guy with a spiky-looking chin, blue hair that had long bags that stood up, and-- Was this man's nose metallic? Yes, it was! The man was also wearing small sunglasses that he had just lifted up at the sight of the boy's eating. Calvin also noticed that the man was also wearing a hawaiian shirt and--GACK!--a speedo!? Calvin winced. That was just nasty! Good thing Hobbes didn't see that, or he would've thrown up!

The fifth person was hard to make out. He was wearing a cloak that hid his identity completely...

The sixth and final person didn't look embarrassed at all. It was a woman who looked about 28 or maybe 30. She had what many would consider "a good figure", long black hair, calm eyes, and a pleasant smile on her face. She was smiling at the boy's childishness. Hobbes now gave half of his attention to the orange-haired girl and the other half to this woman.

Now the boy in the straw hat was FINALLY finished eating! He turned around, patting his belly. "Aah, that was great!" the boy laughed.

Calvin now got a good look at the boy's face ... and recognized it! He quickly whipped the One Piece book out of a backpack he had taken with and looked at the cover. Sure enough, there was the boy's face! It was Monkey D. Luffy himself!

Calvin was excited! "Hobbes!" he exclaimed excitedly to his friend, snapping the tiger out of his trance, "Do you know who those guys are!?"

Hobbes looked at the cover of Calvin's book, then at the group in front of them. He realized what Calvin was talking about! "Oh!" the tiger said, "THOSE are the Straw Ha--!" Calvin quickly covered the tiger's muzzle before he could finish.

"SHHSHHSHHSHHshhshh!" Calvin hissed, "They're wanted men and women, Hobbes! If you said who they were out here, the Marines would be on them like flies on a horse!"

"Oh, right," Hobbes whispered, "Sorry."

"Now just follow my lead," Calvin said.

Hobbes furrowed his brow a bit. "Whenever I do that," he said, "we get in trouble."

Calvin glared at him. "Just do it." Calvin growled.

The two then walked up to the counter and jumped in some chairs to Luffy's left, Calvin sitting between Hobbes and Luffy. The crowd had subsided, and the bartender's shift was over, so it was safe to speak.

"Monkey D. Luffy," Calvin said, "I heard a lot about you!"

The green-haired one woke up, opening one eye. Luffy gave the boy a confused look. "Who are you?" he asked.

"Oh, right," Calvin said, slapping his forehead, "Sorry. I'm Calvin, and this is Hobbes." He pointed to his friend, sitting behind him.

"...Hello..." Hobbes said, still dazed and staring at the women, though only Calvin saw and heard him (of course). All the Straw Hats saw was a plush tiger "teddy".

Luffy grinned. "Great to meetcha!" he said. He then pointed to the group behind him. "You know who they are, right?"

Calvin nodded and pointed at each one as he mentioned them. The green-headed sleeper: Roronoa Zoro. The orange-head woman: Nami. The blond-headed smoker: Sanji. The speedo-wearer: Franky, or Cutty Flam. Finally, the black-haired woman: Nico Robin.

"So who's under the cloak?" Calvin asked. All the Straw Hats but Luffy got uneasy at this question...

**BANG!**

Everyone looked in the direction of the doorway. Someone had kicked the door off its hinges! That someone was very tall, with red spiky hair and red eyes. He was wearing a black trench coat with the sleeves ripped off. He looked at Luffy.

"I found you, Straw Hat."

_Yep, I'm throwing in an OC. So whaddaya think so far? Lemme know! Read and Review!_


	3. Basilisk and Calvin's Devil Fruit

**I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or any One Piece-related items. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece.**

Everyone in the bar watched as the man walked up to Luffy. Calvin and Hobbes backed away a bit, nervously.

Zoro grabbed the hilt of his first sword, Wadou. "What do you want with Luffy?" he asked.

The man looked at the swordsman. "It's not just Luffy I want to deal with," he replied.

"It's him..." someone sitting near Calvin whispered.

The 6-year-old looked at the man. "Who?" he asked, "Who IS that guy?"

The bargoer looked at the boy.

"That, m'boy," he answered, "is Basilisk the Snake. He is famous for making whole pirate crews his."

Calvin's eyes widened. "And he wants the Straw Hats!" he realized.

All the Straw Hats got into their ready-to-fight positions. Calvin and Hobbes decided to move a few seats away, where it was safe.

Calvin noticed a weird fruit, sitting in a box on the counter, in front of where he was sitting now. He was feeling kind of hungry, so he picked up the fruit and bit into it. UGH! It tasted awful! Worse than what his mom made, in his opinion. But it was too late to spit it out. He had swallowed the piece he bit out of the fruit. Calvin dropped the half-eaten fruit on the ground and held his stomach. He felt weird. Not sick-weird, though. Something was happening inside his body...

"You are all mine, Straw Hats!" Basilisk said, "UNLESS ... you can defeat me. Battle me, and you beat me, you can go free. But lose and... Well, I think you get it. Follow me outside." He then turned and walked out the door, with the Straw Hats following.

"C'mon, Hobbes!" Calvin said excitedly, jumping off the stool to follow the pirates, "I don't wanna miss this!"

"Coming!" Hobbes said, and he got out of his chair to follow Calvin. But he stopped. Something wasn't right. Everyone in the bar was staring at him! Mouths agape, no less!

Calvin turned around, wondering what was taking his friend so long. He saw all the people staring at the tiger. "WHAT!?" Calvin asked, "Haven't you people seen a tiger before!?"

Now everyone turned their gazes to him! Then someone shouted, "Hey! Who ate this fruit!?"

Everyone looked at the direction of the shouting. Sure enough, there was the fruit, half-eaten and lying on the ground. Everyone then looked at Calvin, who now looked at the bargoers nervously. "Uh, I ate a fruit," Calvin replied, "Why?"

The man who had shouted earlier ran up to Calvin and forced him to look him straight in the eyes. "That was the Mind-Mind Fruit!" the man said angrily, "A Devil Fruit! Sure, it makes everyone see what you see, like your FORMERLY stuffed tiger as a real one..."

"Hey!" Hobbes said, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"...BUT YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SWIM FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

There was a bit of silence. Calvin then smiled. "OH, **YES!**" Calvin cheered, "NOT ONLY AM I LIKE SOME OF THE STRAW HATS, BUT I HAVE AN EXCUSE NOT TO TAKE THOSE STUPID SWIMMING LESSONS!"

Everyone else sweatdropped. Everyone except Hobbes. He just gave Calvin a strange look. "You're taking this pretty well, aren'cha?" asked the man.

* * *

"C'mon, Hobbes!" Calvin said as he and Hobbes ran out of the bar, "I'm NOT gonna miss the fight between Basilisk and the Straw Hats!"

As he and Hobbes ran toward the town square, many people were staring at Hobbes or running away.

Hobbes noticed this. "Calvin," Hobbes said, "I'm not sure I like this new power of yours."

"Oh, c'mon, Hobbes!" Calvin shouted back to his friend, "There's nothing wrong with this! I promise!"

Hobbes took Calvin's word for it, and followed him to the town square, where the Straw Hats were getting ready to battle Basilisk, who looked surprisingly confident, considering he was facing 9 strong pirates.

Yes, 9 pirates. You must remember the man in the cloak. Also, 2 others had just arrived, and, though normally they'd be plenty more than hesitant, they seemed ready for this battle. Calvin noticed this. He saw a skinny fella with a long nose, clownish lips (which made Calvin snicker a bit), and curly black hair. The guy was wearing a doo-rag and overalls. He seemed to be holding a BIG slingshot in one hand and a purse-like bag in the other. Calvin recognized this as Usopp, the marksman. He was sweating and trembling like crazy, but Calvin could tell Usopp was NOT ready to lose to that snake!

Next to Usopp was a relatively small caribou with a blue nose, a big, pink, fluffy hat with a couple of bandages shaped like an "x" on the front. The reindeer was also wearing a blue knapsack, which also bore an "x". Calvin recognized this critter, too. It was Tony Tony Chopper, the doctor, in his Walk Point.

Calvin and Hobbes waited intently for the battle to arrive. They could NOT wait to see the Straw Hats in action!

_Well, now we know who the OC is, but who's the guy in the cloak, you gotta wonder... Anyway, now that Calvin's eaten a Devil Fruit, everyone can see Hobbes for what he is: a real, live tiger! Plus, they'll be able to see Calvin's alter-egoes... Tune in next time, and Read & Review!_


	4. Calvin's Faith in his Hero

**I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or any One Piece-related items. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece.**

_Man, I haven't updated in a while, have I? I'm thinking of ending my "Ask the Straw Hat Pirates" series... Ah well, let's get the show back on the road!_

There was an anxious silence as everyone waited for either the lone pirate or the crew of pirates to start. Calvin and Hobbes were getting the most anxious.

Finally, Basilisk broke the silence. "First," he announced, "we must see who's under the cloak."

The Straw Hats, including the cloaked man, were startled. After a few seconds, the cloaked man clutched his cloak and pulled it off to reveal...

Everyone in town, including Calvin and Hobbes, looked on in shock! Even Basilisk was taken aback! **_Under the cloak was a living skeleton!_**

...With an afro?

"Yohohoho!" laughed the skeleton, "Yes, now you all know who was under the cloak! It was me, the live skeleton!"

Calvin was silent for a second, then grinned ear to ear! He recognized that skeleton! It was Brook, the same skeleton on Thriller Bark! He KNEW Brook was gonna be one of the Straw Hats!

Basilisk grinned. "Wonderful," he said, "I will truly be a feared captain once that skeleton gets into my crew! I must have the Straw Hats!"

"How will he stand a chance against them, anyway?" thought Calvin.

His question was soon answered, for much to everyone's surprise, Basilisk _turned into a gigantic snake!_

Calvin and Hobbes' eyes widened. "Oh," Calvin thought, "That's how."

Needless to say, the Straw Hats were surprised as well. "OOH-HOO-HOO-HOO!" Luffy shouted excitedly, "SUGUUUA! A GIANT SNAKE!"

"This is the power the Hebi Hebi no Mi grants you," Basilisk explained. He then lunged at them, crashing into the ground. Fortunately, the Straw Hats jumped out of the way. All the people of the town ran away to a safe haven. The Straw Hats fought back diligently, but it didn't seem to be enough. Despite his incredible size as a snake, Basilisk was FAST! Apparently, he knew Soru, because he kept shouting the name of the move before speeding out of the way of their attacks.

Hobbes started to run, too. But Calvin didn't move. He just looked down at the ground. Hobbes went back for his friend. "C'mon, Calvin," he urged, "let's get outta here!"

But Calvin didn't respond. He just stood there for 3 seconds. Finally, he looked back up and shouted,

**"BASILISK!"**

This got everyone's attention, especially Basilisk's.

"How dare you, you pea-brained dinosaur!" Calvin shouted, "Luffy won't lose to you! He's gonna be Pirate King!"

There was a moment of silence. Hobbes was taken aback by Calvin's statement. "Calvin...?" the tiger said. Luffy smiled. He was glad someone had faith in him.

Basilisk, on the other hand, was furious! How dare a 6-year-old talk to him that way! He went back to human form and walked toward Calvin, then grabbed him by the neck, choking him! "You should learn to respect your elders, brat!" Basilisk hissed.

"Calvin!" Hobbes shouted. He then glared at Basilisk, but before he could do anything, he and Basilisk noticed something forming on Calvin's body, and his head. It was a hat and trenchcoat, and there was something else forming in Calvin's hand, out of Basilisk's view.

That something was a pistol!

Calvin aimed the pistol and fired it at Basilisk's hip, causing the Zoan fruit-user to let go of Calvin and double over. Hobbes and the Straw Hats stared at Luffy in shock.

Calvin turned to the Straw Hats. "It was a tough case," he said, "but you don't hire Tracer Bullet for the easy ones."

_Well? WELL? How do you like it? Please don't get on my case about a 6-year-old using a gun. Calvin imagined up Tracer Bullet, and his Devil Fruit allows his imagination to be seen (and in some cases, felt) by others. Read and Review, PUH-LEEEZE!_


	5. Fun with the Straw Hats

**I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or any One Piece-related items. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece.**

"OOH-HOO-HOO! SUGUUUA!"

Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were obviously impressed by Calvin's new Devil Fruit power. The other Straw Hat Pirates were pretty amazed themselves!

"Okay... Now I've seen everything!" Nami exclaimed.

Calvin suddenly reverted back to his normal form, and he looked quite surprised! "Whoa! What happened!?"

"What happened?" Hobbes echoed, "You turned into a Noir detective and shot Basilisk, that's what happened!"

_Noir detective?_ Calvin thought. Then it hit him! He had turned into one of his alter egoes, Tracer Bullet!

Calvin grinned. Who knew what else he could do? HE did, that's who! He could turn into any of his other alter egoes, and a lot more! He was SO glad he had eaten that fruit!

But first thing's first. He had to beat Basilisk.

But when Calvin turned back to his opponent, he was gone!

"Lookin' for me?" a voice hissed.

Poor Calvin nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the voice! It was Basilisk! He turned to face his enemy, who now looked like a centaur, only with a snake body.

"Like it?" asked Basilisk, "This is my Echidna Point!" But before he could do anything--

**YOOWW!**

Hobbes pounced on the snake-man and started shredding him up! When he was finished, Basilisk lay on the ground dazed and severely scarred! Calvin's stared at Hobbes' new handiwork.

"WOW! Who IS that!?" Luffy asked Calvin about Hobbes, "Did he eat a Zoan fruit?"

Calvin looked back at his friend, then looked back at Luffy and shook his head. "No, he used to be a stuffed animal, but then came to life when I ate the Mind Mind Fruit."

"NANI!?" Luffy said, staring wide eyed at Hobbes along with Usopp and Chopper, "USO!"

"Um, Calvin," Hobbes said, uneasily, "people are staring at me again."

"Oh, relax, ya sissy," Calvin said.

Chopper seemed uneasy. "D-Does he eat other animals?" he asked.

Hobbes looked at Chopper and smiled. "No! Not a cute lil' animal like you!"

Chopper jumped. "BAKARU!" he shouted, smiling and dancing happily, "JUST BECAUSE YOU COMPLIMENTED ME, DOESN'T MAKE ME HAPPY! KUNURA!"

"Uh, I hate to break this up," Calvin said, "but I'm just dyin' to see the Thousand Sunny!"

"Well, why didn't you say that sooner?" Franky said, "That ship is the most supa one I've made!"

_Kinda proud of yourself, aren't ya?_ Hobbes thought.

* * *

"GOOD GRAVY, IT'S HUGE!" declared Hobbes. 

He and Calvin were staring up at the Thousand Sunny, and Hobbes was right; it WAS huge! They got on deck and looked at their new surroundings. There was grass -- no, soil -- on the deck, and a grove of tangerine trees on the deck!

Just looking at those juicy tangerines made Calvin's stomach growl. He reached for the fruit and ... got his hand slapped by Nami.

"Ow! What was that for!?" Calvin asked.

"Hands off the mikan, OK?" Nami answered, "Those are really important to me!"

Calvin remembered now why the mikan was important. They reminded her of home. "Sorry about that," he said.

Then Usopp ran up. "By the way, Calvin," he asked, "what else can you do now?"

Calvin glanced over at Sanji, who was simply passing by. "Let's see..." Calvin said, a mischievious look on his face. He held his arms over his head. "Ka ... ZAM!" He threw his arms in the cook's direction and turned him into an alien!

Needless to say, Sanji wasn't pleased. "Oi!" he yelled, "Change me back!"

"OK, OK," Calvin laughed, and turned Sanji back into a human. He then turned to Usopp. "Hey," he asked, "you got a box or anything?"

Usopp looked over at some nearby barrels. "What about those?"

Calvin shrugged. "Good enough." He climbed into one of the barrels and a flash of light came out. "Get ready!" he shouted. What came out of the barrel was not a 6-year-old human, but a miniature version of Hobbes!

Calvin the Tiger looked down at his new form. "I am gonna LOVE this new power!" he exclaimed, "Wait'll Mom and Dad see this--"

Calvin's eyes widened. "MOM AND DAD!"

_Finally! Sorry for the long wait. Well, lemme know how I'm doin'! R&R!_


	6. I have a problem

**I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or any One Piece-related items. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece.**

Um, folks, I got a problem...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

Suggestions, PLEASE!


	7. Could this day get any worse?

**I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or any One Piece-related items. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece.**

_Thanks to Dr.Dude for suggesting the plot here!_

"My parents!" Calvin shouted, "They're gonna kill me if they don't find me in my room!"

Calvin went back under the barrel and transformed back into a kid.

"What should we do?" asked Hobbes.

Calvin got out of the barrel and thought about this for a while, then his eyes lit up. "OK," he said, "Someone help me flip the barrel so the opening is on top!"

Usopp and Chopper did. "What are you planning to do?" asked Chopper.

"Well, when I had the box back home in the same position," Calvin answered, "I was able to travel through time and space. That's how I got here."

"WOW, REALLY!?" Luffy asked, obviously amazed.

"Yeah," Calvin answered, "... Come to think of it, I guess, up until I ate that fruit, I was only imagining that I came here... Aw, heck with it." Then he continued with his explanation. "So anyway, now all I gotta do..." Now he started climbing into the barrel. "...is (Oomph) use THIS (Unngh!) the same way! (Whew!)" For now he made it to the lip, and jumped in. But when he looked up, he was in for a bit of a nasty surprise. How was he gonna get home if he wasn't able to see where he was going? He could only see the sky!

Calvin sighed, "Hoo boy. This won't be easy, after all."

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Calvin's world and time, a young girl about Calvin's age with chestnut brown hair, wearing a yellow shirt and green overalls, was walking up to Calvin's house.

This was Susie Derkins. She and Calvin had sort of an "on-off" friendship. Mostly "off". That being said, she normally wouldn't be visiting Calvin -- he had, after all, played or attempted to play many cruel pranks on her, not to mention throwing slushballs -- but she DID have the occasional urge to visit her "friend".

As she walked up to the door, she noticed a small sticky note. "Gone to Meeting. Back Soon." She knew this was one of Calvin's parents' handwriting.

She wrang the doorbell. "Hello!" she shouted, "Anyone home?" ...No answer. She then noticed a cardboard box lying in the bushes near the house. Curious, she walked over and pulled the box out. Didn't she see Calvin playing with this before? Susie rolled her eyes. "I don't see why he'll play pretend with that tiger and this thing," she thought, "and not with me and Mr. Bun."

Well, curiosity got the better of her, and she found herself placing the box on the ground and looking inside it. Suddenly, she lost her balance and fell in. A FLASH OF LIGHT, AND SHE AND THE BOX ... vanished without a trace.

* * *

Back on the Thousand Sunny, Calvin realized they left the box they used back on the mainland! It was too late to go back for it; they had already set sail.

Calvin was not having a good day. "Could this day get any worse?" Calvin muttered. Suddenly -- FLASH! -- a flash of light appeared in front of Calvin. Soon, the flash was gone, and in its place was a very surprised girl in a cardboard box. Calvin's eyes widened. Oh no! It was Susie!

Susie noticed Calvin and looked at her surroundings. "Wh-What!?" Susie asked, clearly startled, "Calvin!? Where are we!? What's going on!?"

There was a pause, and Calvin fell on his knees and looked up at the sky. "I DIDN'T MEAN IT!!!"

_Well, whaddaya think? I'm planning to end this series soon. Sorry, but I have other projects I'd like to get to. In the meantime, R&R!_


	8. Calvin's Decision

**I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or any One Piece-related items. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece.**

"How did YOU get here!?" Calvin asked.

"I don't know!" Susie answered, "I just found this box in the bushes near your house when I stumbled in and now, I'm here!"

"Well, I'M glad you came!" Hobbes exclaimed, smiling.

Susie stared at the tiger. "...Hobbes?" Susie asked, amazed.

"That's my name!" Hobbes laughed, "And, again, I'm glad you came!"

Susie couldn't believe it. Hobbes, Calvin's stuffed tiger, was now real!

Calvin sighed. "I have a feeling you're gonna ask," Calvin said. "'How is Hobbes real?'"

Susie looked over at Calvin and nodded. Calvin sighed, "Hoo, boy." But he proceeded to tell Susie about Devil Fruits and the one he ate and what it did. Susie's eyes widened, then she looked accusingly at Calvin. "So it's YOUR fault I'm here!?" Susie asked.

"Hey, cut me some slack!" Calvin said, "I'm not that familiar with my powers yet, so I didn't try!" He then tried to change the subject. "Look, we need that box you've got there to get back home, OK?"

"Well, if you have those powers," Susie accused, "then why didn't you use them to warp you back home?"

Calvin stopped, and there was a bit of silence. "...Well, thanks a lot," Calvin said, "Now I feel stupid." Most of the Straw Hats fell over in surprise. "Anyway," Calvin said, "Now we have a box. Let's go home before my parents get mad."

"It wouldn't matter," Susie said, "They aren't home."

Calvin stopped and turned to Susie. "Come again?"

"They're at a meeting," Susie said, "They don't know you're gone."

Calvin thought for a minute. "Geez, I was corrected by a girl, twice?" he wondered aloud, "This does not look good for club G.R.O.S.S."

"G.R.O.S.S.?" Sanji asked.

"Get Rid Of Slimy girlS."

**WHAM!**

Calvin was knocked back a few feet due to Nami and Sanji hitting him. "GIRLS AREN'T SLIMY!" they said angrily.

Susie was actually a little worried for Calvin now. Sure, he deserved to be punished, but that was a little harsh.

Calvin muttered, "Yeah, just what I'd expect a girl and a lady's man to say."

Before Sanji kicked Calvin again, Susie said, "WHOA, wait a minute! ...I know Calvin can be a jerk, but isn't violence a little much?"

Sanji couldn't argue, just back down.

Calvin slapped his forehead and looked up at the sky. "And NOW I'm SAVED by a girl!?"

This caught the swordsman's attention. "Hold it, Calvin. You're not mad just because you think she's weak, do you?" Calvin nodded. "OK, look," Zoro sighed, "Just because she's female, doesn't make her weak."

Calvin looked at the swordsman, confused. Then he remembered the story of Zoro's past.

The boy nodded, meaning he understood. He then turned to Susie. "Well," he said, "I won't get mad because you helped me. In fact," he said, looking at everyone, "I think I'll stay here a little longer."

Most of the Straw Hats got worried. After what happened now, who knew what else could happen or how much worse it was gonna be! So those that were worried showed it with a resounding...

"OH, CRAP!"

_Sorry it took so long, everyone! I want to finish one of my other fanfictions, Neo Treasure Island! Go and search for it, if you'd like! I recommend it!_


	9. Renoke and Stin

**I do not own Calvin, Hobbes, or any One Piece-related items. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece.**

_Man, sorry it took so long! Well, I actually had no other ideas, and this came out, but read on, my friends! Read on!_

"Catch anything yet?"

"Nope," Luffy answered Hobbes, then yawned wide. Chopper, who was fishing along with Luffy, also yawned.

It was a slow day today. As already mentioned, Luffy and Chopper were fishing. Hobbes was reclined on the deck, snoozing. Sanji was in the kitchen, preparing lunch. Zoro was also sleeping, but against the mast. Nami was reading the newspaper along with Susie, though Susie was reading the comics. Usopp was in the Crow's Nest, keeping an eye out for any islands. Robin was on a reclining chair, reading a history book. Franky was below deck, making repairs to the ship and "soldiers". Brook was also in the kitchen, sippin' tea. And Calvin, unable to find anything to do, wandered around the ship.

He found Hobbes snoozing. For some reason, whenever he saw Hobbes sleeping, a poem would come into his head. And now he opened his mouth and out came a new one.

**_A tiger snoozing on the ground._**

**_For whatever reason, it seems quite profound._**

**_The wonderous colors of white, black, and red._**

**_...What on earth's wrong with my eyes and my head?_**

Calvin looked around and noticed that everyone there was staring at him.

"Did you come up with that yourself?" asked Robin, "That was good."

Calvin smiled. "Thanks. For some reason, whenever I look at the sleeping tiger, I suddenly think of a poem."

Susie turned to Nami. "By the way, if you're the navigator, why aren't you up in the Crow's Nest?"

"I'm the navigator, not the lookout," Nami replied.

Susie arched her eyebrow. "But Usopp isn't the lookout either. He's the marksman."

Before Nami could respond, Usopp shouted down to the crew and guests, "Land ho! Island ahead!"

Everyone looked ahead and, sure enough, there was an island. They decided to stop there for supplies. Nami made sure that Calvin, Susie, and Hobbes PROMISED not to tell anyone about the Straw Hats. They promised.

Luffy smiled. He was just happy to be able to get off the ship for a while.

* * *

As most of the crew were gathering what they needed, Luffy and the guests decided to wander around town and take in the sights. As they were wandering, they noticed a small shop that claimed to be selling rare items. There were two weird-looking people in front of the shop that seemed interested. 

One was a skinny fella with only three long hairs sticking out of his head. He had big, pink eyes and a small, pointed nose. At the moment, he seemed to have an over-ecstatic grin on his face and he was rubbing his hands together. The other person seemed to be an opposite. He was a chubby fella with short, red hair (though there were three long, black hairs standing out). He had a big, rounded nose, small eyes, and a stupid smile on his face, complete with tongue hanging out.

"How much for the fruits?" the skinny one asked. Calvin thought this guy sounded like Igor, but more Mexican. Then a new thought entered his mind. What did he mean, "fruits"?

"Why, for the price of 2000 beri," the salesman said, "they're yours."

The skinny one slammed the money down. "SOLD!" He and his friend then snatched a pair of things from the table and looked at them.

Calvin's eyes widened when he saw what they were holding. Devil Fruits! Those two bought Devil Fruits! The skinny fella was holding one that looked similar to an apple. The fat one was holding a bunch of grape-like fruits

"Hey, Renoke," the chubby one said, "Are you sure we should eat these? I heard a lot of scary stories about these." Calvin thought this guy sounded like Larry Fine, but stupid.

"Oh, shaddap, Stin," Renoke said rudely, "If you think a bunch of fairy tales are gonna scare me, you've got another thing coming."

"Well, OK..." Stin said hesitantly, then he and Renoke ate their fruits.

There was a pause. Then suddenly, their eyes opened wide and he dropped the rest of his fruit. They dropped on the ground and started convulsing and twitching like crazy! Everyone's attention was caught, and they watched the pair. Finally, Renoke and Stin started to shrink into their clothing.

There was a 10-second pause, then something emerged out of the clothing. Out of Renoke's clothing, there emerged a chihuahua with big, pink eyes. Out of Stin's clothing came a chubby, red-and-white Cornish Rex cat with small ears.

"Oh... What happened?" the chihuahua, Renoke, asked. He then noticed he was smaller. He looked around with an expression of urgency. "A mirror. A mirror!" He jumped onto a shop's counter, looked, and...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Renoke?" asked the cat, Stin.

The now-chihuahua looked at Stin and his already-large eyes bugged out. "...Stin?" he asked. Then he turned to the man that sold them the fruits and jumped onto the counter. "What kind of fruits were those!?" he asked, trembling with rage.

"You ate the Inu Inu Fruit, Model Chihuahua," answered the salesman, "and your friend ate the Neko Neko Fruit, Model Cornish. I recommend using them for stealth-- ACK!" He didn't get to finish, because Renoke went into a form that looked like a humanoid chihuahua, his half-way form, and started to strangle him!

"You told us those were BLESSED fruits!" Renoke screamed, "You told us we'd be able to live forever! That's called FALSE ADVERTISING!" He was so mad, he started to foam at the mouth!

Soon, the man fell to the ground, his face blue from loss of oxygen.

"Geez..." was all Calvin could say.

Then Renoke noticed Luffy in the crowd. Beads of sweat broke out on his head and his eyes grew wide. He screamed again and then ran to Stin. "Move your butt, man!" he demanded, "It's Straw Hat Luffy!"

Well, that whole incident had the Marines after Renoke and Stin, and Renoke had already alerted them to Straw Hat Luffy's presence. There was a lot of chaos. The Straw Hats and guests ran off of the island. Renoke and Stin jumped into a barrel that was pushed into the ocean. Fortunately for them, it floated just high enough above the surface for them to survive.

Calvin knew he was gonna be blamed for this event. Strange things have been happening before, and it just happened again.

This did not look good for the young Devil Fruit user.

_Sorry, I'm running out of ideas. Man, growing up sucks._

_Oh, and yes, I based Renoke and Stin on Ren and Stimpy._


	10. Apology of a Failure as an Author

Um, guys?

I've, uh... Oh, how am I gonna tell 'em this?

Well, lemme just put it this way: I've got some news, good and bad. Bad news first.

I've-- I've given up on Calvin and the Devil Fruit, OK!?

_sigh_ I'm all out of ideas. I've got nothing else for this story.

But here's the good news: **I'll let YOU guys decide how the rest of the story goes!** Just try VERY hard to keep the characters in character, and make sure Calvin, Hobbes, and Susie get home SOMETIME, OK? Please?

Thank you.

And I'm sorry!

**_--Apology from a Failure as an Author_**


	11. I'M BACK! Enter Johnny C

**_I don't own Calvin, Hobbes, One Piece, or anyone/thing related. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece._**

**_And from this chapter on, I will tell you this: Jhonen Vasquez owns Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Squee._**

_Yes, that's right! I got my self-esteem back and conquered my writer's block! Now, I bring you back...CALVIN AND THE DEVIL FRUIT!_

Well, Calvin, Hobbes, and Susie **were** yelled at by Nami for blowing their cover, but once Susie kinda forced the explanation in, the Straw Hats knew who was really to blame; Renoke. This being said, Nami hoped to make Renoke pay when she got the chance.

In the meantime, Calvin had an idea. He started taking useless things from all over the ship; a damaged barrel with a lid, a crate, and an empty shampoo bottle. With them, he created something strange on the deck. This piqued the curiosity of Hobbes, Susie, Luffy, Usopp, Chopper, and Franky.

When they saw it, Hobbes asked, "Uh-oh. What is it?"

"A new time machine!" Calvin answered. "It should help me get back home."

"Hey, wait a minute, little bro!" Franky said, "How do you know that thing works right?"

"Geez!" Calvin sighed, very annoyed, "You doubting thomases always try to stunt scientific progress!"

"OK! OK! I'll stop! Geez!"

"Thank you!" Calvin then stepped into the machine. "C'mon, Hobbes! Susie!" He motioned them to get into the machine.

"Aw," Luffy whined, "you're leaving already!?"

"Well, I don't know how long my parents are gonna be gone," Calvin replied, "so I gotta get back soon, don't I? Besides, I wanna see the look on my parents faces when they see Hobbes now!"

"A-HEM!" Susie coughed.

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Uh, and Susie's parents are gonna be back soon, too. Don't worry, though, I'll drop by here sometimes!"

Luffy smiled. "Well, then, until next time!"

Each group bid the other good-bye, and Calvin, Hobbes, and Susie went inside the machine. Calvin closed the door (the lid for the barrel) and walked over to a switch (the shampoo bottle) he then flipped. There were three words written next to the switch: "One Piece", "Home", "JHTM" (in that order). Calvin knew he would write more later on.

He walked over to Hobbes and Susie. "OK," he said, "if anyone asks, we were all playing in the park."

"Got it," Hobbes and Susie said together.

"Good, now put on these goggles."

Then, a small orb of light appeared among the three. Then it got bigger... and _bigger_... and **bigger**... and BIGGER! Soon, it enveloped the group, then the machine, then (and this was unexpected by all) the Straw Hats! And then...

**ZAP!**

...the Sunny was empty. All alone at sea.

Anchors weighed, fortunately.

* * *

Meanwhile, on Earth, somewhere in America, in a shabby little town... 

'F---... I need a brain freezy,' thought a man in his early 20s, sitting at a cafe table.

Now this was no ordinary man. In fact, it's difficult to say he's human without him getting mad at you.

What did he look like? Well, he was very tall and built like a spider! He was THAT thin! Also, in place of hair, he had two black, horn-like protrusions coming out of his head. He had sharp claws and large eyes with tiny pupils (if he had irises, no one could see them). He had a marking under each eye that looked like a zig-zag line. The clothing he wore was very dark and gothic; a VERY dark red pinstripe shirt with tails like an old coat, long black jeans (he had someone make them for him), and steel-tipped boots that made their owner look like he had talons! Who was this man?

His name was Johnny C, though he liked to be called "Nny".

He was known for being...a homicidal maniac.

At the moment, Johnny was bored out of his mind. He had absolutely NOTHING to do. He already played with his little friend, Todd (though he liked to call him "Squee"), and even torturing or killing victims didn't excite him. This must be serious, thought Johnny. He figured it was the depression coming back to him. He's just not gotten over Devi, his former girlfriend, the only one that could put a normal smile on his face and not a maniacal grin. Ever since "that day", he has regretted attacking her to "immortalize the moment".

Johnny got up to get his only source of nourishment--a brain freezy--but when he got near the counter, something weird happened!

**ZAP!**

Johnny looked over in the direction of the noise, and saw a most unusual sight! A large...something-or-other made of a broken barrel and crate, and there seemed to be 9 very confused-looking people standing in front of it and looking around. And someone was coming out of the huge whatever-it-is. Three words came to Johnny's mind now.

'What the h---?'

* * *

"HERE WE ARE!" Calvin shouted triumphantly, stepping out of the machine with his travel-partners, "HOME SWEET-- Uh..." 

Now Calvin saw they were not home. They were in a strange, rather shabby-looking town, and there were people staring at them. Calvin looked around nervously, then tried to smile.

"Uh, we come in peace?" was all he could think of to say.

**_"AAAAAAGH!"_**

Everyone that had been staring panicked and ran away!

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! These people sure are jumpy!"

Calvin's eyes opened wide when he heard the voice. The other two reacted the same way. No! It couldn't be! Calvin ran around to the other side of the machine with Hobbes and Susie, and, as he feared, he was right! The Straw Hat Pirates had been warped to this world with him, wherever this world was!

The Straw Hats noticed Calvin. "Oi, Calvin!" Luffy said, flashing his usual grin, "I like your home! The people here are hilarious!"

"Uh, thanks, Luffy," Calvin said, "but there's just one problem with that. THIS IS NOT MY HOME!"

Luffy's smile disappeared. "Ah? Really? Where are we?"

"I'll check!" Calvin answered, running back into the machine. Then, "OH NO! I FLIPPED THE SWITCH TOO LOW!" He ran out of the machine, looking very frightened. "Guys, we're not home! We're in a different place! A dangerous neighborhood!"

"AAH!" Chopper screamed, "Really!? Where is it!?"

"I don't know the name of the town," Calvin answered, "But we gotta get outta here before--"

**Crash!** Calvin stopped, then slowly turned around. Oh no. The Time Machine fell apart! They couldn't get home!

* * *

Johnny didn't pay attention to the machine's destruction. He was too busy studying the strange group of people: 'Let's see,' he thought, 'there's a small, blond-headed kid with beady eyes, a chestnut-headed girl with the same kind of eyes, a tiger standing on its hind legs (Johnny has seen strange stuff before, so this was no surprise to him), a tall, lanky kid wearing a straw hat, a muscular guy with short, green hair, a young lady with orange hair, a weak-looking guy with a long nose and curly black hair, a blond-headed smoker with bangs covering his left eye, a cute little raccoon-looking thing with antlers sticking out of a pink hat, a tall woman with long, black hair, a blue-haired guy wearing hardly anything (g------, that's ugly), and a skeleton with an afro-- WAIT, A SKELETON!?' 

Nny quickly looked over at the supposed skeleton, but now he couldn't see what he looked like. The guy had quickly put on a cloak.

'WHAT IS THAT GUY HIDING!?' Johnny screamed in his head! Nny quickly shook his head, trying to calm himself down. Maybe... Maybe it was just...a hallucination! 'Yeah,' he thought, 'that's it! I'm imagining things again! ...I'm pretty funny...'

* * *

"So now what?" asked Zoro. 

"Working on it," Calvin said, "...OK. I think we're gonna hafta go look for things no one's using. Big things! Then I'll construct another time machine and get us all back to our rightful homes! It's brilliant!"

"Yeah, well, let's hope we can get that done before something else happens!" said Franky.

"A-Are we gonna be OK?" Chopper asked, his eyes watering a little from fear. Susie looked at the little reindeer-boy with sympathy.

"Hey, don't worry, Chopper!" Usopp said, striking a pose, "Captain Usopp-sama will protect you!" But then he heard a cat in a back alley and jumped.

"Just come with me!" Calvin said, quite annoyed, "I think I know where to go. I can see a house over there!" He then pointed at a small, traditional-looking house. Everyone followed Calvin. They DID, after all, want to get home.

* * *

Johnny saw where they were going, and he recognized the house. It belonged to the self-proclaimed "lil' devil", Pepito, and guess who was hiding out in that house? 

Nny's little friend, Squee!

Johnny decided to follow these weirdos. Find out who they were, what they were doing here, what that now-broken thing was, and why they were going to Pepito's. So, as quietly as he could, he snuck through the back alleyways, out of sight of our heroes...


	12. Worlds Collide

**_I don't own Calvin, Hobbes, One Piece, or anyone/thing related. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece._**

**_And Jhonen Vasquez owns Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Squee._**

_Uh, look, guys, if I don't get any reviews, I won't know if anyone's reading this, and may have to stop writing the story. PLEASE review!_

_Oh, and please don't complain that Pepito never called himself a "lil' devil". I know that. But I hate what he says he is in the books. Now, the first part of the chapter may seem a little dull, but it gets **more graphic** later on. **Proceed with caution.**_

When the group reached the house, Calvin turned to the others. "OK, now I don't want whoever lives here to freak out because there's 10 people and 2 animals on their doorstep, so I need YOU guys to hide somewhere."

Some of the more reluctant ones rolled there eyes, while some nodded their heads, showing they understood. They all went around a corner of the house, out of sight of whoever'd come out of the door.

Little did any of them know, but there was someone watching them from on top of the roof...

Calvin reached up and rang the doorbell. The usual "ding-" sounded when he pressed, but when he took his finger off...

**AAAAAAAAAHH!**

...a girl's scream shot out! Poor Calvin was scared out of his skin! He found out later on that it was part of the doorbell's sound. Then the door opened, and Calvin saw the weirdest kid he ever saw!

A small boy about his age, but with red skin, small horns sticking out of his head, claws, pointed ears, and a head that didn't have much hair. He was wearing black, gothic clothes, and a necklace with a locket. Calvin also noticed this boy had a devil-like tail swishing back and forth behind him. So basically, the boy looked like a stereotypical devil-boy in gothic clothing.

"Whaddaya want?" asked the boy.

"...Uh, I... I need to find some stuff to make this machine to get me and my friends get home."

"Oh!" the boy said, his face brightening a little. As he spoke, a Spanish accent was revealed in his voice. "Well, you came to the right guy, man. Pepito." He shook the still surprised Calvin's hand. "So, where are your friends?" Pepito asked, looking around.

"Huh? Oh, I'll get 'em out here." He then looked over at the corner where they were hiding and cupped his hands to his mouth. "OK, YOU CAN COME OUT NOW!!!"

As the others came out from around the corner and walked up to the front step, Pepito looked at Chopper and Hobbes with wide eyes. Our heroes were equally surprised as they looked at the devil-boy.

"Interesting!" Luffy said, his trademark grin appearing, "Is it a demon?"

"Uh-oh," Usopp said, remembering Thriller Bark. Chopper said nothing, and hid behind Hobbes instead.

"Calm down, guys," Calvin said, "This guy's gonna help us!" He then turned to the lil' devil. "Well, thanks a lot, uh... Pepito, right?"

"_Si,_" Pepito answered.

"Pepito," Calvin echoed, making sure he'd remember the name, "Well, you're doing something great. Thanks!"

But before they could turn to leave, a small voice from inside the house called out,

"Pepito?"

Pepito turned to the source of the voice. "What's up, Todd?" he asked.

The other-worlders looked into the house, noticing how frightening it looked inside! There was some profane stuff on the walls, stuff that I dare not describe to mixed readers. They also found the source of the voice.

A small boy who also looked about Calvin's age, had messy black hair and large eyes, was standing at the bottom of the staircase and looking at our heroes curiously.

"Who-- Who're they?" the boy (Todd, Pepito called him?) asked shyly.

"C'mon, man, don't be shy," Pepito laughed. He turned to the other-worlders. "Guys, I'd like you to meet my _amigo_, Todd Casil. He isn't that brave, but when you have a childhood like his, well..."

Todd hesitated, then walked over to the door. "Um, hello," he said.

Luffy grinned and kneeled down to the boy's level. "Hey, Todd!" he said, grinning, "I'm Luffy! Pleased to meet ya!"

Pepito raised an eyebrow. "Loo-fee? You're kidding, right?"

The Straw Hat boy gave Pepito a confused look. "What? Doesn't anyone in this town have that name?"

Pepito just gave Luffy a strange look before looking at Todd. "So, uh, what'd you come down here for?"

"Um..." was all Todd said before...

**Woooaaaou...**

...a loud sound, like a whining bear cub, was heard. Todd clutched his stomach and blushed. "Uh, what time is it?"

Pepito looked at a demonic-looking grandfather clock with a "13" next to the "12" at the top of it. "Uh, 12:53." The devil-boy's eyes widened in realization. "Oh! Right. Uh..." He turned to Todd, then to the people standing at his door. "Soooooo, who's hungry?"

* * *

"Here we are!" Pepito said as they walked into the food court of the mall. 

The Straw Hats looked around in amazement. They've never seen a food court before, and the size of the place was astonishing. Luffy was the most enthusiastic, considering how much he loved to eat! After they got something to eat, they sat down and...

...and something caught Chopper's eye.

A very tall, VERY skinny man with what looked like a pair of antennae on his head, clawed fingers, and large eyes with dark rings around them and small, irisless pupils in them. He was wearing a dark striped shirt with tails, a pair of long, black jeans, fishnet-like gloves, and a pair of black boots with steel tips that made the wearer look like he had talons! He was sitting a distance away from their table, his head down, allowing his eyes to wander.

Chopper thought the man's eyes were looking at him and his friends, but when the reindeer-boy looked, the man turned his eyes to the table he was sitting at.

Chopper leaned over to Pepito and whispered, "Who's that?"

Pepito looked over at the man. "Oh... That's Johnny C, or Nny for short. He's got a SHORT temper, so you'll wanna stay on his good side." The rest of the other-worlders heard this.

"Why?" Calvin asked Pepito, "What'll he do?"

* * *

Johnny was very nervous as he kept his eyes to the table. 'Sh--!' he thought, 'The raccoon caught me looking at them! I need to find out who they are and what that zap, the one that brought them here, was! I can't get ratted out now!' 

"What's wrong with the f--?"

Nny's eyes widened and he looked behind him at the source of the voice. He saw a couple of teenagers sitting at the table behind him. One of them lifted his middle finger at him! "What's a matter, emo?" asked the teen, "Gonna slit your wrist now?"

Nny trembled with rage, then seemed to calm down. He got up, shoved his hands into his pockets (yep, his knives were definitely there), and walked over to the table. "An emo, huh?" he asked, "Well, look. Better shut up. You never know when someone's gonna cut your tongue out!" He then did something very disturbing... Well, I'm sure you can guess! O.O

**"AAAAAHHHH! OH MY GOD! AAAAAHHHHHH!"**

The teen ran out, clutching his bleeding mouth and screaming! 'I'll kill him later,' Nny thought. He glared at the other teen, who then ran off after his friend.

* * *

The really strange thing was, hardly anyone in the court noticed this incident. The ones that did either shrugged it off or weren't as scared as they should've been. 

The other-worlders, however, saw it and were shocked by what they saw! Especially Susie, Usopp, Chopper, and Todd!

"...Yeah," Pepito spoke up, "there's your answer, Calvin."

The four most shocked, minus Todd, blacked out and slid under the table, worrying the Straw Hats and Hobbes. Todd, however, suddenly let out a high-pitched sound!

**SQUEEEE!**

* * *

Nny looked over at the table. What the? There were two people he didn't notice before. One was Pepito, the other was Todd, or...

"Squee?"

_Sorry you guys had to read about what happened to that teenager. I have to keep Johnny in character, right down to his actions! Well, please review! PLEASE!_


	13. Squee and Problem

**_I don't own Calvin, Hobbes, One Piece, or anyone/thing related. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece._**

**_And Jhonen Vasquez owns Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Squee._**

_Guys, I'm REALLY sorry! I'm thinking of closing my account on here 'cause I've got accounts on several other sites. Well, on with the story, I guess..._

Johnny stared for a bit at the others, who got even MORE tense! Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Robin, and Franky got ready to fight, while the others cowered under the table, leaving the top parts of their heads visible.

Nny tried to smile, though it looked deranged as usual. "Why, hello, Squeegee!" he greeted the frightened boy.

"Hm? Squeegee?" Luffy asked curiously.

"Um..." Todd said hesitantly, "H-Hello, Mr. Scary Neighbor Man."

The others looked at the boy in surprise! "Big-Eyes, do you know this guy?" Franky asked Todd.

"...Yes," Todd replied, "he's my neighbor." The boy told everyone the story of how he first met Nny; the maniac broke into Todd's house looking for bactine, and Nny met and befriended the boy, calling him "Squee".

"Uh, why'd he call you Squee?" asked Hobbes.

"Well," Pepito explained, "I think it's because that's the noise he makes when he's scared."

"Oh..." The tiger looked warily at Nny, fearing something sudden.

_Uh, guys, problem. I don't know what should happen next. Any JTHM fans out there? 'Cause I'm open to suggestions._


	14. Johnny's House and Finding Answers

**_I don't own Calvin, Hobbes, One Piece, or anyone/thing related. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece._**

**_And Jhonen Vasquez owns Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee!, and Invader Zim, and all the characters and place(s) in them._**

_(sigh) CraaaaAAAAAAP! I'm far too easily distracted. Well, here's the newest chapter, which, I'm afraid, will feel a little rushed in places. Hope you enjoy!_

"Well, this stuff isn't too bad," Calvin said, sipping on a Brain Freezy.

Johnny had decided to get Brain Freezies for Calvin, Luffy, Chopper, and Susie. Now everyone was walking down the sidewalk.

"Y'know," Luffy said, "I don't think you're really a murderer. You're kinda crazy, I guess, but you don't look like someone who could actually kill people."

Nny seemed a bit uneasy. If only this boy knew... "...So, uh, you say you guys come from another world?" he asked the Straw Hats.

"Yes," Robin said, "We were brought here when Calvin brought us here by accident. He was trying to get himself, Hobbes, and Susie to their hometown, but ended up bringing us to the wrong world."

"Now we're looking for stuff to make another time machine," Calvin explained. He and the others then proceeded to explain how they came to this town and about the other world they mentioned, including some information about Devil Fruits. Johnny, Squee, and even Pepito were amazed and impressed.

"Well," Nny said, getting off the current subject, "You know who I am: My name's Johnny, but you can call me Nny. But I still don't know who YOU guys are."

Well, introductions were exchanged (though the fact that most of the newcomers were pirates wasn't mentioned), and--

And suddenly, Johnny seemed worried.

"What's wrong?" asked Susie.

Nny looked frantically at each of the others. "Quick, someone tell me, what time is it!?"

Susie looked at a watch she brought with her. "Um, 1:48. Why?"

Johnny went stiff with shock, before speeding away! "SHHHHIIIIIIIT!"

"Johnny? Johnny!?" Luffy called before running after Nny.

"Luffy, wait!" Nami shouted, but Luffy wouldn't listen. The others had no choice but to follow.

They followed Johnny to a desolate house with a flat roof, boarded-up windows, hardly any paint, and a lawn that was in desperate need of a lawnmower. There they stopped.

"...Think we should follow him?" Luffy asked.

"NO!" Most of the group shouted, smacking Luffy in the back of the head. But Calvin decided to walk up to the house. Of course, Hobbes, Susie, Nami, and Usopp ran after him.

The door, which was left open, had a sign posted on it that read, "Knock on me. You just TRY it..." There was another sign under the doorbell. It said..."I am the doorbell."

Calvin rolled his eyes. _Just a little more of Nny's insanity,_ he thought.

"Alright," Nami said to Calvin, "we've seen enough. Let's go." And they all turned to leave, but...

**_WOOSH!_**

A strange, unseen force actually blew them into the house! The door slammed shut after that.

The force came from across the street, where a young boy with black hair (which was styled so that some of it stood up and was shaped like an upside-down "L"), a purple shirt with black pinstripes, boots, gloves, and (weirdly enough) green skin, was carrying a gigantic bazooka-like object on his shoulder.

"Yes!" the boy said, "The Wind Blaster is a success! With this, I, **_ZIM_**, will be able to conquer this pitiful planet! Muhahahahahahahaha!" Then the boy, Zim, looked around cautiously to make sure no one was listening. "...Note to self: Stop announcing your plans to the world." He then walked away, still carrying his Wind Blaster on his shoulder.

* * *

The newcomers slowly came to, groaning in pain. They were all scattered in a room, though what kind of room was still unclear at the moment.

"...What just happened...?" Zoro asked, still groggy.

"Welcome, outsiders, to your death!"

Everyone looked in the direction of the voice and found...nothing. Just a pair of styrofoam doughboys, both of them painted in macabre styles. One had a word painted on his chest. I won't say which word, but I WILL say it started with an "F"... The other had spirals in his eyes, as though he was trying to hypnotize someone.

"Get up," said one of the doughboys.

ONE OF THE DOUGHBOYS!?

Everyone jumped! "Did-- Did one of those styrofoam things just talk!?" Usopp asked.

"SQUEEEEEE!" was all that came out of Squee's mouth.

The doughboys looked at Squee. "Oh, I get it," the one with the "F" word on his chest said, "You're Nny's little pal, huh? Not very impressive."

Pepito glared at the doughboys. "And who are you!?" he asked.

"Oh, of course," the one with the spiral-eyes said in mock-politeness, "How rude of us! I am Psycho Doughboy, or D-Boy for short." He pointed with his thumb at the other one. "His name is unimportant."

"THE F--K IT IS!" the one with the "F" word exploded, then turned to Squee, Pepito, and the newcomers. "I'm Mr. F--k. Hence, the word on my shirt. The more squemish of you can call me Mr. F."

Luffy laughed. "This is so cool!" he exclaimed, "We're talking to a couple of real, live styrofoam people!"

Pepito gave the pirate captain a blank stare, then turned to the rest of the crew. "He's not very easy to scare, is he?"

"You don't know the half of it," Sanji replied.

"Hey," Hobbes asked, "What did you mean, 'Welcome to your death'?"

"Oh, you didn't know?" Mr. F asked, then explained, "Few set foot in Nny's house and live to tell about it."

"Nny's house?" Nami asked. Everyone then looked around.

It seemed they were in the living room. The walls were stained with several unknown substances, as was the furniture. There was a television set in the room, with real rabbit's ears torn off a rabbit instead of the rabbit-ear antennae one sees on most TV sets.

"Ew," Susie said, grimacing at the rabbit ears, "This guy's got a sick sense of humor."

"Where'd the rest of the rabbit go?" wondered Chopper.

"You don't wanna know," said a new voice.

Everyone turned to the doughboys.

"We said nothing," said D-Boy.

"Over here," the voice said, "The bunny nailed to the wall. My name's Nailbunny."

The newcomers' eyes fell on a small rabbit's corpse, literally nailed to the wall! There was a nail sticking out of its torso, bent a bit.

Most of the group couldn't believe it!

"OOH-HOO-HOO-HOO!" Luffy exclaimed, "THIS IS AWESOME!"

"...Look, you guys have to get out of here, now!" said the rabbit, Nailbunny.

"Hm? Why?" asked Luffy.

But he didn't get an answer, for suddenly...

**_AAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!_**

A scream shot out from a door nearby! Everyone jumped!

"That's why," Nailbunny finished.

Everyone looked at the door. It seemed to lead down to the basement.

"What was that?" Usopp asked uneasily.

"Luffy," Nami said, turning to her captain, "I don't think Pepito was exaggerating when he said this guy, Johnny, was a homicidal maniac!"

"Yeah," Usopp said, his knees knocking together, "For all we know, that scream was probably one of his victims down there!"

"I just hope he doesn't kill us!" Brook said nervously, then remembered something, "Ah! That's right! I'm already dead! I don't have to worry."

"Hey, knock it off!" Luffy protested, "He probably just stubbed his toe or something!"

The doughboys burst out in laughter. "You poor, naive little boy!" Psycho Doughboy said, "We know him better than you do! How do you know he's not killing someone down there?"

"I don't," Luffy said simply. Then he started to walk towards the door. "Either way, though, we should go check."

"Hold it!" Nami said, pulling Luffy back by the collar. "If you're really going down there, you're gonna have to take someone with you."

Luffy blinked. "That so? Then are YOU coming with me, Nami?"

**_BONK!_**

"NO WAY IN HELL I'M GOING DOWN THERE!" Nami snapped. As you might've guessed, she already punched Luffy over the head, leaving a swollen bruise.

Squee and Pepito stared at Nami. _Yeah,_ Pepito thought, _I sensed that there was something wrong with her..._

Nami turned and noticed Squee's face. She let out a sigh, one that was half-annoyed, half-sorry. "Sorry you had to see that, uh... Squee..." Nami said, trying out the little boy's nickname. She then turned to the others. "Anyway, are there any volunteers to go down there with Luffy?"

Zoro let out an annoyed sigh. "I guess I should go," Zoro said, "We can't depend on that idiot to get himself out of trouble."

"Same here," said Franky, "I'll go."

"I'll go," said Robin, "This man, Johnny, interests me. I'd like to know if there's anything truly wrong with him."

Sanji stood straight, like a soldier. "If Robin-chan's going, then so am I!"

"I'm with Robin on this one," said Pepito, "But me, I'd like to ask him a question."

"What's that, Pepito?" Squee asked.

"The same one my father asked you once, Squee, remember?"

"Oh, yeah."

The others looked at Pepito curiously. What did Pepito want from Nny?

"Good," Nami said, "Me and the others will stay up here and find out more about this world, and maybe Nny."

"From who?" Hobbes asked.

"Them," Nami answered, and pointed at the doughboys and Nailbunny.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Mr. F said.

Luffy nodded. "Got it."

"Then it's settled," Nami said, "Alright, guys, see what you can find."

"Good luck!" Hobbes said to Robin.

Robin chuckled. "Same to you, Hobbes-san."

And so Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Robin, Franky, and Pepito walked down the stairs, bracing themselves for the worst.

_Well, that's all for now. Now I need to know how the house is built. I heard there are a LOT of basements in Nny's house. So until next time, read and review, please!_


	15. Explanation and a Horrifying Discovery

**_I don't own Calvin, Hobbes, One Piece, or anyone/thing related. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece._**

**_And Jhonen Vasquez owns Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee!, and Invader Zim, and all the characters and place(s) in them._**

_Alright, first, I'd like to apologize again for taking so long, and thank you for your patience with my previous chapters and other stories...if I haven't used it up this time. :(_

Zoro opened the door to the (first) basement and looked inside.

It was too dark to see anything.

"Does anyone have a light?" he asked, walking inside.

Luffy, Sanji, Robin, Franky and Pepito walked in. "Well, if my knowledge of houses is right," Pepito said, "there's a **switch** or something around here somewhere..." He felt his way along the wall until he came across something hard and peg-shaped. "I think I found it," he said, flipping the switch. The lights came on.

"**HOLY CRAP!**" Luffy shouted, his eyes bugging out. The others were also staring in shock, including Pepito.

In the room, there was a guillotine. The blade was bloody, as was the hole where people put the neck. And that wasn't all.

There was a trail of blood leading through another door.

"...Luffy," Pepito warned, "I know what you're thinking, and I **don't** think Johnny stepped on a **nail** or anything as accidental as **that**."

Luffy looked at the door for a minute. "...Only one way to find out," he said, somewhat seriously, "C'mon!"

Everyone followed the blood trail through the door.

It turned out there were several rooms in the house's giant basement, each room containing some kind of sadistic device for torture. There were even things NOT meant for torture, but apparently were used as such, including animals! Luffy was beginning to wonder if Nny really WAS a bloodthirsty killer, and if he was, why was he doing all this?

* * *

"So...Nailbunny, right? What **are**you, exactly?" asked Nami.

She and the rest of the other-worlders (that didn't go with Luffy's group) were in the living room with the Doughboys and Nailbunny. Nami was standing in the center of the room; Usopp leaned against the wall, not as scared as before; Chopper leaned against the couch, though he meant to hide behind it; Brook was sitting on the couch (a bit reluctantly), along with Calvin, Susie, and Hobbes (who were even more reluctant); and Squee was sitting on the floor, as scared as ever.

"Well," Nailbunny answered, "I **used**to be this little rabbit that Nny took in as a pet. Didn't last long, though. He fed me twice, got bored, then nailed me to the wall, **literally**."

This received disturbed stares from Calvin, Susie, Hobbes, and Squee, and caused the One-Piece-worlders' jaws to drop.

"As you can hear," the rabbit corpse continued, "I'm still alive. ...Well, OK, not **really**, but I can still speak. Anyway, I try to help Nny identify right from wrong. A **conscience** of sorts, you see."

"Really?" Usopp asked, "...That's...disturbing."

**HONK!**

Everyone looked in the direction of the noise. Hobbes had his big black nose in a tissue. "(sniff) **I** think it's sad," he murmured, his voice wavering, "How could he **kill** an innocent bunny?"

Most of the characters in the room looked at Hobbes awkwardly.

"...Well," Nailbunny answered, "I've been watching him for a long time, and he **is** pretty screwed up. ...There's a reason for that, though. Many people have yelled at him, made fun of him, mocked him, insulted him, even **beaten** him. So, he seems to think he's helping the world, though at the same time, he knows he's not and **hates** himself for it."

"So he's a vigilante gone wrong?" Calvin asked.

"I guess so..." Nailbunny replied, before getting back to the previous subject. "Anyway, as Nny's conscience, I try to keep him from listening to the Doughboys, who usually try to persuade him to kill people or kill **himself**."

**"Kill himself!?"**most of the others echoed. Calvin, however, said nothing. He knew this already; he read those comics, among others, back in his town (otherwise, he wouldn't have had the "JTHM" setting on the switch of the machine that brought them here).

The other-worlders in the room glared at the Doughboys.

"Oh, it's nothing personal," D-boy answered the glares (though that was a lie), "We just need to free our **master**."

The others looked at the Doughboys quizzically. "Your master?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot," Nailbunny said. Everyone shifted their eyes back to the rabbit's corpse. "The **other**reason Nny kills people..."

* * *

"**Damnation!**" Pepito exclaimed, "How many rooms are **in** this place!?"

Luffy's group had arrived in the 53rd room in Johnny's basement, and they were wondering the same thing Pepito just said.

"We've been going quite far underground," said Robin, "Any further and we may arrive in Hell."

"Hey, hey!" Franky protested, "Why do you **say** things like that!?"

"What?" Pepito asked, "That's where **I** came from."

"**Whoa! Really!?**" Luffy asked in amazement.

"Well, look at **me**!" Pepito said, "Where'd you **think** I lived!?"

"What about that **house**?" Luffy asked.

"That's my Mom's summer home, and Squee's **new** home."

There was a pause before Zoro spoke up. "...Look, let's just keep going, OK?"

**_BUUUUUOOOOHHHHHH!!!!_**

Everyone turned their heads to the direction of the scream. It came from the door in front of them, which had some light glowing from the bottom crack.

"This **hurts** like **hell**!" moaned a weary voice, "Am I **dead** yet?"

"No, sorry."

Everyone's eyes widened. Did that second voice belong to who they **thought** it did!?

"Well, **this** is kind of a pain," said the second voice, "your death is taking longer than I **thought**. I mean, I **knew** it would take a while, but **this** is getting **retarded**. I'd better go get us some refreshments." As the voice said the latter sentence, the sound of a chair scraping across the floor could be heard.

Luffy and the others had to think fast. Pepito quietly ran to the other side of the room and flipped the light switch. Then everyone hid in the darkness. Zoro grabbed the hilts of his swords in case whoever they thought it was happened to see them, though nobody noticed the swordsman do this.

The door opened, and sure enough, out stepped Nny, covered in blood. His pale skin and monochrome clothes contrasted with the crimson liquid. He walked across the floor, thankfully not noticing the Straw Hats and Pepito.

Then he stopped. The others tensed up, ready to defend themselves.

Nny then turned to whoever was in the room and shouted, "You want ice cubes in yours?"

Of course, the only answer he got was a pained groan.

"Got it," the maniac replied before leaving the room.

Luffy and the others breathed a quiet sigh of relief, and as soon as Nny was gone long enough to mean he was in the 49th room, they got up and went into the room.

They were met with a most gruesome sight. A man was sitting in a wooden chair with several fish-hooks in his back, and of course his back was bleeding like crazy. He was too dazed by his pain to notice anyone else coming into the room. There was a stool behind the man, apparently where Johnny was sitting.

That wasn't even the worst of it. The Straw Hats stared in horror, and Pepito in amazement, at **a wall splattered with blood**.


	16. The Alien Cometh

**_I don't own Calvin, Hobbes, One Piece, or anyone/thing related. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece._**

**_And Jhonen Vasquez owns Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee!, and Invader Zim, and all the characters and place(s) in them._**

**"WHAT!?"** Nami and the others exclaimed in shock.

"Yes, you heard me," Nailbunny said, "He has to paint the **wall** of his basement with **blood**."

"That's **disgusting**!" Susie, Nami, and Brook exclaimed.

Usopp and Chopper were hugging each other out of fear. "S-Scary..." they whimpered.

Calvin, Hobbes, and Susie were staring wide-eyed at Nailbunny, mouths agape, along with Nami and Brook. Poor Squee sat on the floor trembling and whimpering.

Of course, the Doughboys were enjoying the show, having a sadistic laugh at the otherworlders' (and Squee's) expense.

"Pathetic, aren't they?" sneered Psycho Doughboy.

"You said it," Mr. F replied.

"Wait, **has** to?" Calvin asked, "What for?"

"Because there's something **inside** that wall that he's trying to keep from **escaping**," the rabbit's corpse answered.

Susie calmed down a bit. Surely Johnny had something reasonable behind that wall. "What is it?" she asked, "Termites? Rats? Squirrels?"

That's when the Doughboys burst out into cackling!

"Oh, kid," Mr. F chuckled, "this isn't some p---y lil' **kid's story**."

Then he stopped laughing, and his grin disappeared. D-Boy did the same thing.

"Our **master** is waiting inside that wall," they both said.

All eyes were on the Doughboys now. "Your **master**?" Nami asked.

* * *

Luffy and co. couldn't believe what they were seeing. There was a wall splattered with blood in Nny's own basement!

"That..." Pepito exclaimed, "is so...**COOL**!"

"**Speak for yourself!**" the others snapped.

Except for Luffy. He was still staring at the wall in horrified disbelief. "But...**why?**" he murmured, "Why'd he **do** it?"

**_BAM! BAM!_**

This noise came from the other side of the wall, making the group jump! Also, the man that was being tortured earlier woke up.

"**Whoa!**" he yelled, "What the hell was **that**!?"

Then he noticed the Straw Hat Pirates.

"**Hey!**" he said, catching the Pirates' attention, "Get outta here, man! That bastard's f---in' **crazy**! He'll tear you apart!"

"So we **noticed**!" Sanji said. Then, a horrible realization came to him. Nny was heading toward where Nami and Robin were now!

"Oh, **shit**!" Sanji exclaimed, pulling out a Den Den Mushi. "Nami, come in! **Nami-san!**"

* * *

**_BAM! BAM!_**

Everyone in the living room jumped!

**"SQUEE!"** Squee squealed.

"**AAH!**" Usopp screamed, "What was **that**!?"

"Our master," Psycho Doughboy explained, "He wants **desperately** to be **let out**."

"Me and **D-Boy** here have tried to get Nny to **kill** himself," explained Mr. F, "whether by just telling him to **do** so, or by telling him to do something that we **know** he'll **regret** sooner or later."

"We **do** this," D-Boy explained, "because **Johnny** is the **only one** who knows how to keep our master from **escaping**."

Calvin glared at the doughboys. "Lemme **guess**; once **Johnny's** outta the way, you and your master will conquer the world or something stupid like that."

**"WATCH YOUR F---IN' MOUTH, KID!"** Mr. F roared, then continued at normal volume, "Mocking our master for his **plans**, huh? Don't make me break my **foot** off in your--"

_**Den Den Den Den Den...**_

This weird sound silenced everyone. The sound was coming from Nami's direction, apparently!

"...**Oh!** The **Den Den Mushi**!" Nami realized. She then reached into her pocket and took out a small, purple snail with a yellow shell -- a Den Den Mushi.

She picked what looked like a mouthpiece off of the creature's shell and held it in front of her face before speaking into it. "Sanji?"

"Nami-san?" Sanji spoke through the snail's mouth, sounding very uneasy and nervous, "Listen, you, Robin-chan, Susie-chan, and those **other** guys have to hide!"

**"DON'T CALL US 'THE OTHER GUYS'!"** Usopp and Chopper retorted.

"**Shut up**, guys!" Nami said to them, then turned back to the snail. "Why do we have to **hide**, Sanji?"

**"WHAT THE F---!?"**

Everyone in the living room jumped, then slowly turned to the source of the voice.

There Johnny stood in the doorway to the cellar, wide-eyed and trembling with rage.

"Oh, crap..." Usopp whimpered.

Poor Squee was unable to find his voice.

Apparently, Sanji heard Nny yell. "Uh... Dammit," Sanji muttered, "That's why..."

"What the hell are **you** doing here!?" Johnny demanded, then he noticed Squee. His expression changed from rage to surprise. **"Squee?"** he exclaimed, worried, "Oh, **shit**. **You** shouldn't be here **either**!"

_I know,_ the poor boy thought, _I sure wish I wasn't._

But before anyone could actually answer, something very unexpected happened.

**_CRASH!_**

Everyone turned in the direction of the house's door. The sound came from outside.

"Oh, **now** what!?" Nny muttered, walking toward the door. He turned to the others and pointed at them. **"Don't...move."** the murderer snarled through gritted teeth, then gave Squee a less threatening face. "Except **you**, Squee. Just **please** stay out of the basement."

Squee nodded nervously, not wanting to piss his former neighbor off.

He opened the door and...found something very bizzare outside.

A large, round, purple sphere had apparently crashed into Johnny's front yard. It had three curved spike-like things sticking out of the back. It was crackling with electricity and smoking. It also seemed to have a cracked glass part.

Suddenly, the glass part opened up, smoke rushing out into the open air. Johnny slammed his hands into his pockets, clutching his knives.

Then, Johnny heard someone inside the sphere coughing, most likely because of the smoke. Nny looked at the sphere curiously.

Everyone inside the living room looked out of the doorway and looked at the strange object in awe.

Then, suddenly, a short figure rose out of the smoke. When the smoke cleared enough for Nny to see, his eyes grew wide.

This new figure had green skin, antennae, and red compound eyes, and had no visible ears. Also, a smaller, silver figure with green lamp-like eyes popped up next to this one. The small silver one spoke in a child-like voice.

"Whoo! Do that again!"

_Take a wild guess who those two are! XD I was planning to have these two in this story, and I finally have 'em here! Well, I hope you're enjoying this story as much as or more than I am. Ciao for now!_


	17. Just Curious

**_I don't own Calvin, Hobbes, One Piece, or anyone/thing related. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece._**

**_And Jhonen Vasquez owns Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee!, and Invader Zim, and all the characters and place(s) in them._**

Johnny couldn't help but stand there wide-eyed, staring at the machine that just crashed in his yard, as well as its pilot and passenger. His stupor was shared by the others; Calvin, Hobbes, Susie, Nami, Usopp, Chopper, Brook, and Squee.

The pilot, a small green creature, held his wrist up to his face. "**Computer**," he commanded into a small, round, watch-shaped speaker, "Send the **pig!**" He then let his arm hang down...

...and noticed that he was spotted.

A tall, ridiculously thin human with large eyes was staring at him, as were several other humans were staring at him from a nearby house.

The green thing's insectoid eyes went wide with terror, and he trembled violently. He jumped back and yelled, "**St-Stay away** or...I'll lay **eggs** in your stomach!" He then ducked down. **"LEAVE ME ALONE!"**

**"WHEEEEE-HOOO!"**

The green one peeked out of the cockpit to find his little silver companion _running into the human house!_

**"GIR, NO!"** he shouted, "Get back out here! **Obey your master!"**

* * *

Everyone in the living room stared at the childish, lamp-eyed tin creature running across the floor, up the walls, and across the ceiling. He even jumped on the couch a couple times.

"...What-- What the hell **is** that...?" Usopp asked.

The silver thing finally crashed into a wall with a **CLANK!**

Just then, someone--or rather, some six--quickly ran up the basement stairs.

Sanji appeared at the top. "Nami-san? Robin-chan? Are you all--" He stopped when he noticed a small, tin creature lying on the floor of the living room. Everyone was near the front door. "...Right?"

GIR got up, then cackled maniacally. **"EEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!"**

The sudden outburst made the others jump. "What-- What the hell is **that?**" Sanji asked.

* * *

Back outside, Johnny took out his knives, much to the alien in question's fright.

"What the **hell** are **you** doing here!?" Nny growled.

The green creature tapped his chin rapidly, trying to think of an answer. Then his eyes lit up as he got an idea.

"Um, **fear not,** humans!" The creature stammered, "I am **ZIM,** and I came to **research** your planet for my race. We are not **evil,** we're just...er...curious." Of course, anyone who knew the alien, Zim, knew this was a lie...

"Well, why on a Friday?" Nny asked more calmly.

"Eh?" Zim asked, giving the maniac a confused look. Everyone else looked at Johnny the same way.

"Oh, don't play dumbass!" Nny snapped, "Everyone knows aliens only visit Earth on Tuesday!"

The One Piece characters' jaws dropped (except for Robin, who just looked a bit confused). _You've gotta be kidding me!_ they all thought.

Calvin slapped his forehead. He had read the books behind his parents' backs, so he knew already that Nny's logic worked that way.

Hobbes scratched his head in confusion. "Why does he care what day aliens come to Earth?"

Susie didn't understand it herself, but then, how could anyone?

Squee didn't hear the exchange. He was cowering behind the door, trying to stay out of the alien's sight. He had a bad experience with those once.

Pepito was staring at GIR, wondering what the hell he was exactly. He didn't hear the conversation either.

_**Author's note:** I'm afraid I'm experiencing some writer's block again. I don't know what should happen next. Maybe you could help! I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!_


	18. CLOSED FOR RENOVATION BACK SOON

**_I don't own Calvin, Hobbes, One Piece, or anyone/thing related. Bill Watterson owns Calvin and Hobbes, and Eiichiro Oda owns One Piece._**

**_And Jhonen Vasquez owns Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee!, and Invader Zim, and all the characters and place(s) in them._**

Dear Loyal Readers,

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

I've looked at my fanfiction and compared it to others. Somehow, I feel thoroughly unsatisfied with it.

I think I need to start over. I'm sorry, but no satisfaction for me generally means no motivation. Besides, do you know how hard it is to work on three stories at once?

Once I get back to doing this, find it in the One Piece/Jhonen Vasquez crossover section. I plan to get into more detail in some scenes, and I'll start the story with Calvin's discovery of the One Piece series.

But once again, I'm sorry for any disappointment.

--MugiwaraGorillaz


End file.
